Raising Awareness about Neurological Elitism
Tess's Page
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- Describe yourself for other members:
- Female aged 43, married, 2 kids. Recently self-diagnosed after a flare-up of a depressive illness of which I had stupidly believed myself to be cured. Accidentally came across Tony Attwood's site and it all took off from there. Decided not to pursue formal diagnosis as it would be irrelevant.
I find it hard to describe myself here. I'm still learning about my new (real!) identity and have a lot of old memories and data to process before I can even begin to articulate it. Also, I'm not in the habit of confiding in people unless they're contractually obliged to listen (ie my husband or a therapist).
Having said all that, here I am. At the moment I'm extricating myself from the clutches of a group of highly neurelitist women at the school where I volunteer. These people have effortlessly shredded my personality and reduced my fragile self-esteem to almost zero. I'm sure I don't need to go into details here - I'm just Not Like Them in terms of manner of speech, possession of cultural currency, intellect, education, dress sense... you name it. People whom I thought were my friends were just playing me, the usual stuff. And I still don't really know what I did wrong.
Anyway, struggling through the depression, trying to face people after what I now know are called meltdowns, forcing myself to keep going into school, are exhausting enough. On top of this, realising I'm an Aspie has precipitated an identity crisis which has threatened to engulf my entire world, although I must stress that ultimately I know this crisis will be a positive, enabling thing.
For the record, I'm thrilled to be an Aspie. It makes sense of everything that's ever happened in my life and now I know I'm not alone. I just hope it's not too late for me. To be honest, life is feeling pretty pointless but I know from previous depressions that this feeling (although accurate) goes away. This is the first time I've refused medication for depression because for the first time I don't want to be fixed. And after a year I'm still here - and able to write this. Amazing!
- What issues would you like to see discussed?
- I thought I was alone and now I find there's a whole group of people like me. I'm not expecting miracles; I just want to learn everything I can. I feel like I've been asleep my whole life.
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